Your relative is an angel and can do no wrong

The email writer does not partake in any activities that could be regarded as 'inappropriate', 'obscene', or 'adult'. The email writer does not even know what 69 is. Probably the number after 68 and the one before 70. The email writer is as innocent as a caterpillar in a cocoon. The email writer would like to ask you not to go back to that email you were previously on. Just close this tab. Do not return to your email inbox today. Heck, get off the internet. Take the day to write your relative, the email writer, a handwritten letter about how much you appreciate sharing DNA with such a smart, kind, and virtuous person. Maybe include a sum of money inside. Whatever you think is appropriate (though $20 doesn't go as far as it used to so maybe more than that).

Thank you. Close this tab. Goodbye now.